You'd better watch out
by Telsia-Cha'ris
Summary: Jacob takes SG1 to the North Pole in search of a Goa'uld


You'd Better Watch Out

Rating: PG

One of Jacob's favourite past times, which incidentally infuriated Selmak to no end was closing his eyes and trying to work out who someone was simply by listening. If it wasn't bad enough him doing this in their own quarters he was now sat in the council chambers. Admittedly there was no one else there yet but that was beside the point.

_Jacob please. Unless you want them to think you are sleeping I suggest you open your eyes!_ Selmak said tweaking Jacob's ears the way he hated her doing so.

_How can I possibly sleep with you yakking?_ he asked her. _Just be quiet, leave my ears alone and let me listen will you…_

_Listen to what?_ she hissed. _There is nothing to listen too._

_That's because you're not doing it right. Close your eyes and listen_.

Selmak humphed but closed her eyes and refrained from the 'who turned the lights out comment' and did as he instructed. She could hear footsteps and someone humming as they walked down the tunnels. _He sounds happy_ she said.

_That's Jared_ Jacob said.

_Because of the humming? We all know Malek never hums or sings._

_No by the light step. That slightly heavier one is Per'sus and the others are Garshaw and Delek. Each host walks differently from the symbiote too before you ask_. He opened his eyes as the others came into the room. He looked at their faces. "What's up?"

"We have just received word that there is a Goa'uld hiding on Earth," Garshaw said. "Woden. As you are aware we thought him long dead. We need you and Selmak to go to Earth and track him down."

Jacob looked at her. "On our own?"

Delek raised an eyebrow. "Are you not capable of this task?"

"Oh we can do it, but a little more information would be nice."

"There have been multiple sightings of him all over Earth," Garshaw said slowly. "He seems to have massed a huge cult following and there are images of him in dwellings and streets everywhere."

Jacob looked concerned. "It hasn't been that long since I was there. And Sam certainly didn't say anything."

"We do not know if the SGC are aware of his presence. You must inform them and start a search immediately."

Jacob nodded. "Of course. We'll leave immediately."

Having packed quickly, including Selmak's ribbon and zat, Jacob headed to the gate and sent the signal to Earth. "Jack we need to talk," he said marching down the ramp and skipping the preamble that Jack had started.

"Sure," Jack replied.

"And I need SG1."

Jack shook his head. "The past few times you've come here you have wanted to borrow them. It's getting to be a habit."

In the briefing room Sam looked at him. "Dad what's up?"

"The council believe there is a Goa'uld hiding out on Earth. Apparently he's set up some kind of huge cult here. Has a lot of believers and followers."

Daniel looked at him. "Strange we've not heard of anything. What's his name?"

"Woden."

"Woden… the leader of the wild hunt in Germanic mythology, the Anglo-Saxon version of Odin? He's here on Earth?"

"Wild hunt?" Jack asked.

"A phantasmal group of huntsmen with the accoutrements of hunting, horses, hounds, etc., in mad pursuit across the skies. It has different leaders depending on the mythology," Daniel explained.

"Nice guy then," Jack said. "Woden… the guy Wednesday is named after right. He's a snake head?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah… they just want me to track him down; report back and then they'll decide what to do." He noticed Jack start to complain and spoke over him. "Jack if he is here then he's been here for centuries. A few more days won't hurt."

Jack nodded. "Daniel start researching, see what you can find out from the information Jacob can give you."

Jacob sighed. "That isn't much. Just that he has many believers, especially amongst the young and that the cult seems to come into it's own at certain times of the year."

Daniel looked at him. "Nothing unusual in that… I mean its December. You have Christmas everywhere from mid October onwards and it just gets worse the closer it gets. Santa's on every street corner and mall and…" he broke off.

Jack looked at him. "What?"

Daniel shook his head. "Just a stupid thought…" He looked at Jacob. "Has lots of followers, particularly children… more common at certain times of the year?"

Jacob looked at him. "Santa is a Goa'uld?" he laughed.

"Think about it… he delivers all the presents in too short a time humanly speaking, he has legions of believers particularly kids and this time of year is everywhere. Perfect cover."

"So where do we go and look?" Jacob asked dryly. "The north pole?"

"It's as good a place to start as any. But I would suggest getting the satellites do so an overhead pass first. See what they can pick up."

----

Jacob glanced at the report Jack handed him. "This for real?" he asked.

Jack nodded. "Now we know what to look for yeah. Course it helps being able to see through their shields somewhat."

Jacob inclined his head somewhat. "Just don't tell anyone where that particular piece of information came from."

Sam came into the office. "Well?" she asked.

Jack looked at her. "There is a cloaked ship sitting on the north pole," he said dryly. "There is also a lot of naquadah up there. You have a go."

----

The North Pole was cold, Selmak decided as she turned up the internal thermostat another five degrees. _Whose stupid idea was this anyway?_ she moaned.

Jacob tugged the hood of his thermal suit round his head more and looked at SG1 through the driving snow. "It is another mile that way…" he shouted.

His companions nodded and they boarded the snow mobiles and set off across the snow.

Jacob finally answered Selmak. _Do you want to find this Woden or not?_

_Yes but really Jacob… Santa Claus?_

_It's a lead we have to follow_.

After another twenty minutes they finally came to the place the GPS had placed the unusual signal at.

A huge sign proclaimed 'Santa's Workshop' and several pictures of Santa and Elves were stuck into the snow. A security guard also dressed as an elf came over to them. "Can I help you?" he asked.

Jacob looked at him. Since when do elves carry zats? he asked noticing the one on the elf's belt. He nodded. "I want to see your boss," he said.

The elf thought about it for a moment and then nodded. He picked up his radio. "Who do I say is calling?" he asked.

"United States Air Force," Jacob said.

"Follow me," the elf said and led them into the main wooden building.

Inside was a blaze of lights and Christmas decorations. Elves rushed round the place, moving piles of toys and wrapping paper. In the middle of the room a rotund figure dressed in red sat in a rocking chair supervising and occasionally barking orders.

"Yes Virginia there really is a Santa Claus," Sam muttered.

Jacob grinned at her and pulled back his hood, pulling off his gloves and pushing the goggles up onto the top of his head.

The others followed suit and then followed Jacob over to the figure in the chair.

Santa looked up. "So who do we have here?" he asked.

Jacob held out a hand, knowing instantly who or should that be what he was dealing with. "Jacob Carter USAF and Selmak of the Tok'ra. And you are?"

Santa took Jacob's hand. "Santa Claus but I also go by the name Woden. I am surprised it has taken the Tok'ra this long to find me." He looked at the others. "And you must be SG1. You have caused quite a stir out there you know. I still get reports every now and then." He glanced round at the elves. "Come on through the back, we can talk quietly there."

In the kitchen he pulled the pot of chocolate off the stove and poured everyone a steaming mug. "Have a seat," he said.

Teal'c opted to stand but the rest sat.

Jacob couldn't get over how odd this was.

Santa looked at him. "I have been here… probably about 1000 years," he said. "Maybe longer. I started off hiding from Anubis, as you do and took the name Nicholas. They even made me a saint. Ironic in a way. Anyway… things just grew from there. I use the sarcophagus when I need it but its not a bad life."

Daniel looked at him. "Can I ask a question? According to net lore…"

Santa laughed. "You mean the internet site that worked out how fast I travel and the fact that reindeer, if they do fly would be going so fast we would all spontaneously combust?"

Daniel nodded.

"Ring transport," Santa explained. "That way I can beam the presents into the stockings in a fraction of the time. The cloaking device I have altered so the ship looks like a sleigh and reindeer."

Jacob smiled. "The Tok'ra are convinced you have a huge cult following here. That you have set yourself up as a god with your image in thousands of homes all over the world."

Santa laughed. "Far from it… if anything it would be easy to accept the adulation if that is what I wanted. But it is not. I abhor what the Goa'uld stand for and do not have the guts to do what the Tok'ra do. So I live here, making thousands of children happy each Christmas." He looked at Jacob. "So are you going to take me back? Hand me over?"

Jacob shook his head. "No… I'll tell them that the SGC are keeping you under observation and that everything is fine."

Santa nodded. "Thank you." He paused. "Carter… grandkids in San Diego right?"

Jacob nodded.

Santa smiled. "Thought so. Nice kids. On the good list." He looked over at the others and then back at Jacob. "Unlike their grandfather. Coal three years running wasn't it?"

Sam looked at Jacob. "Dad?" she asked.

Jacob shook his head. "Never mind." He looked at Santa. "Just keep doing what you're doing," he said. "We'll be watching you."

Santa nodded. "Isn't that my line?" He looked at the others. "Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight." He rubbed his hands together and there was a beam of light and they were all in Jack's office at the SGC.

Jack looked up. "Don't you people believe in knocking?" he asked. "So how did it go?"

"Santa's a Goa'uld," Daniel said. "Delivers the presents by rings and cloaked cargo ship decked out like a reindeer and sleigh."

"Pull the other one," Jack said. "You'll be telling me next that Jacob gets lumps of coal in his stocking." He looked from one to the other.

No one answered. Especially not Jacob, who went an interesting shade of red.

"Well…"

"Actually…" Daniel began.

Jack shook his head. "Just write the report." He looked at Jacob. "Coal huh? What did you do?"

Jacob shook his head. "I need to get back to the base."

_Coal Jacob?_ Selmak asked. Isn't _that what bad children get. What did you do?_

_Pleads the fifth._

---

Jacob stood in the council chambers. "They'll keep him under surveillance but I don't think he'll be any trouble." He passed the pages from the net he'd printed over for them to see. "To be honest he seems to be having fun and he has a reputation to keep up now."

Garshaw nodded. "I see." She looked at the bottom of the page and peered at the hand written text. "Selmak says to ask about the coal?"

Jacob thumped Selmak hard. "She was cold last night. Wanted a fire in the chamber. Told her I'd put in a requisition for coal."

That evening in his bed he had the sudden feeling he was no longer alone in the room. He lay still as someone crept across the chamber and whispered in his ear, "He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you're been bad or good so be good for goodness sake…. Are you after more coal Jacob?"

Fin

© Tels 19-12-2006


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